It’s called a COB

Any self-respecting Pub Shed owner should serve a classic cob to watch the Footie with.

The traditional British Cob is worthy of great respect, If you live in the Midlands then you will no doubt understand what we mean when we refer to the Crusty Cob, a bread masterpiece.

Unfortunately, the rest of the UK has other strange ideas on what these delicacies are called.

To list a few that in the opinion of us Midlander’s are clearly wrong, Barmcake, Bun, Roll, Bap, Batch, Muffin, Stotty or even Breadcake.

These are all clearly wrong, I’ve heard some rumours that there even stranger names like, Teacake, Morning Roll and an Oven Bottom.

So it’s important that we don’t over complicate this, while there are regional variations of the Classic Crusty Cob, we are not comparing them and we recommend you come to a good honest midlands booza and try the classic Crusty Cob.

The Cob is an ideal lunchtime snack, the perfect addition to a great pint of real ale. All good pubs in the midlands will serve a Crusty Cob with a choice of fillings. The cob itself is about 110mm (in new money) diameter and the key is its crusty, when you bite into a Crusty Cob it should flake on the outside and be soft on the inside.

It should not be doughy, remember this is a wholesome lump of white bread dressed in a slightly burnt shell.

The jury is out on brown and wholemeal, the authentic version is white. Period.

Now the real controversy fillings

Cheese and slice onion – always the default filling.

It should be a good mature cheddar cheese sliced not grated, 5mm t­hick with a mild Spanish onion sliced and served on top of the cheese, The roll should be well buttered, margarine or other spreads are not acceptable. We will accept a slice of tomato or lettuce if you must.

Hot roast pork with stuffing pulled straight off the roasted Pig, gravy, and apple sauce with crackling on the side, a delicacy in the Black Country and perfect with a pint of Holden's Golden real ale.

English Ham with English mustard on a well buttered Crusty Cob. This should be a slab of ham, not dandy wafer ham, and definitely not any of your Italian rubbish. ­­Perfect to take down the footy wrapped in cling wrap for half time.

In Birmingham we even have The Cobham Arms, it says what it does on the tin, proudly displaying for all its bar sign telling you what’s on offer.

So now you need to search out the Crusty Cob in your favourite pub or pub shed, sink a few ales, and enjoy this true British icon.

Note – The opinions expressed in this article are mostly in jest and written for fun to show the diversity in the British Isles. Whatever you call it, go and enjoy your choice of bread with a great filling and a pint in your local booza or pub shed. Cheers from Two fat Blokes Bar Signs.